I’ve seen a lot of blogposts about what you should change/know by the time you’re 25. A lot of them are talking out their arse. One point that really pissed me off in one of them was “By the time you are 25 you have to stop taking drugs only cos you think you will seem cool to other people.”
That is painful to read. That is stupid. Why would you take drugs at any age to impress anyone? Don’t be that person who does that. If you do, please don’t anymore. Have some watermelon instead you nutter.
This is the profound truth I now have access to at my humble age:
1) The simplest things in life are the most important. The rest is just riff raff. Sleep, food, exercise, love, shelter.
2) People can be divided into two categories: those who prioritise sleep and those who do not. Those who understand sleep and thrive off it as a welcome relief from that thing we call consciousness can be spotted with ease: enquire whether they wish to rendezvous at a late hour, they will stare at you with a blank soulless despair at your idiocy and slowly, slowly, slowly but surely… unravel their middle finger and hold it up in front of your face, about two centimetres from your eyebrows in case you can’t quite see it.
One can spot a non sleeper in their natural habitat also known as the cafe. I live by the doctrine “to understand all is to forgive all” and it is highly applicable here. Perhaps you are the type to silently rage over the beast in front of you in a cafe line who spends 5 minutes ordering a double shot latte, no actually a cappuccino, no sorry just a flat white but with soy milk, no no actually skinny milk, but also with three sugars, actually two and a half sugars, pooh actually is it okay if I can add the sugar myself because a spoonful is quite subjective and I can’t trust you to differentiate fully between a heaped spoonful and a normal spoonful…
If this creates rage in your veins, try to remember that this poor sod has likely spent 4 hours writhing and twitching in bed pretending that they are enjoying refreshing sleep and yes they could have gone to bed early cos night before last was an absolute belter but old mate Tom said “let’s go for a drink” and WELL, that’s a hard offer to refuse isn’t it?? Plus everyone knows the unspoken rule of “one drink” which is ‘open your gullet and allow the booze to freely flow down your oesophagus and pause only when it goes the wrong way and your lungs say WOT U DOIN M8 DAT SHIT AINT OXYGEN.’
u wot u wot
This is not representative of all within the category of non sleepers. Some prioritise watching David Attenborough’s Life documentary on repeat from 10pm-5am. I will not knock these beautiful souls. Keep watching my dears.
3) Food is not an option or a last thought. If you can choose a banana over a Twix then I will send you a high five in the post. If you research why it is better then I will come to your door and give you a hand to hand high five. If you analyse your life a little you may work out why you keep shoving skittles in your gob. You see the correlation between this and the fact that you don’t leave enough time to make yourself a nice peanut banana sandwich before running to catch the train and your eye crawls over unfaithfully to the vending machine that is saying come on babe, use me and abuse me.
Don’t try to copy how others do their good healthy life unless you think gee, that looks great, I think that would be good for me. There is no one way to do it at all. Try out different ways of healthy eating and living, and then keep at it when it suits you. Even when you bollock up and people start to ask if a Mcchicken burger is your new boyfriend cos they’ve seen you with it for a week straight. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. Start again.
4) Staying out late and getting messy is terribly naughty unless done once in a blue and pink moon. People will want to corrupt you and take you down with them because it is monstrously fun and excellent. If anyone suggests any socialising past 10pm, make a loud screeching sound to deter them and climb a tree until said dangerous being leaves you alone. It is fun to have a bevy and a boogie, but one cannot deny when done too routinely it means other aspects of your life are neglected.
Become this dude.
5) Find mentally and physically healthy ways to fill your emotional and bodily holes. Read into those implications in whatever way best suits you, you filthy over-sexualised beast. If you do have habits that are not contributing to your well-being, be aware of them. Do not beat yourself up for it but actively work towards altering them. Approach this in a balanced way. This is your responsibility to yourself and also to those who love you. It ought not be a choice.
6) Whatever you read, hear, watch or debate with another being, analyse the tone and attitude and the reason WHY. Bring your GCSE english skills back into action (I knew there was a reason we had to study Chicken Run!! 9 years later I finally understand it! Oh thank you sweet chickens!!)
What do you think she MEANS by that? Hmm…
This is something we know – and you’re likely thinking duh you noob – but it’s easy to get whisked away in the bubble of emotion and respond on this before we think. A lot of large media companies feed off the concept “if it bleeds it leads” and want to stir you up into a whirlwind of feeling to whisk you away to opinion land based on that boiling rage within. The damnation on corporations and mass media has been pretty prominent recently which is beautiful, but I feel as well we need to concentrate more on cultivating an awareness of the small everyday voices around us that have a large influence on us.
7) Opinions matter for shit about what’s fucked in the world and how to help the most vulnerable people out there unless you’re acting on them in some form. And I do not mean updating your facebook status.
8) Donnie Darko condemned the basis of actions being based on either “Fear” or “Love” and I was like yeah you go Donnie ain’t the world more complex than that! But now something tickles deep within me which is like hey, Donnie, perhaps this is somewhat true. “Choose love!” I said to my dear friend Tom. He pointed out fear can sometimes be beneficial. I agree, as long as fear never overrides your capacity to love.
9) There is a massive difference between intellectually knowing something and emotionally knowing and feeling something. I could know something in my brain but unless I feel it in my entire soul I wont understand it.
10) Freedom is hugely subjective. Do not push your idea of personal freedom onto anyone else. If you do I’ll be that wanker who pushes you in the swimming pool when you really don’t find it amusing.
11) Cynicism and pessimism are deeply rooted infections of the soul when someone allows them to poison their entire perspective of the world. Some people are naturally inclined towards being cynical/pessimistic, but it’s also learnt or absorbed from environment and experience. It pains me to hear so many people dispel their hopes and dreams because they believe they are just being “realistic”. It burns. Who am I to say what is real or not real to anyones subjective existence, but I strongly advise anyone who views the world in this way to differentiate between their thoughts and objective reality.
In my opinion, one must learn to compartmentalise any views that are detrimental to their self development. To weigh up risks is natural, but do not allow yourself to fall into a life of safety because you think there is no point trying. Do not judge other peoples apparent failures as evidence that you ought not to try. I think it is way bloody better to have a bash and fail then never try at all.
12) To communicate is the best thing that you can do with those you love. Over and over again tell people from the bottom of your soul what you feel at that particular moment in time even though it can make you feel vulnerable as hell. Trust that. Show people your rawness and feel theirs. Do not gloss over these moments.
13) Life is not about wishing for an easy ride but becoming resilient to the inevitable dog shit you step in. Carry wet wipes, don’t be a wet wipe.
Is this you? IS IT?!
14) Question why you seek escapism.
15) Don’t read any blogpost about what you will learn by the age of 25. Don’t read many lists at all. Especially this one. It just makes me feel good to write it out.
Life of Pap 