A life lived cleverly cluelessly !
Considering my stay in Japan has stretched over 6 glorious months now, one may suspect that I am now in flow and attuned more closely to the Japanese way, José. (That’s not Japanese, maybe I should say no way, Ichiro?!) One may guess that I’ve a deeper grasp on the tasks that tick over time. One may assume that I feel as if the dichotomies between life in England and my current bumbling’s are still sharp in mind, but left behind so I can function accordingly.
WELL!
I’ll inform “one” of something for nothing. Such suspicions are incorrect! Shame on this “one” cretin, whoever you be! Well… one is not entirely wrong, but it’s pleasing to be melodramatic. Sorry to target you, “one”. You were merely a toy for me to exploit for my own chortlings. Chortle chortle.
I am largely unaware of my lack of awareness in day to day life in Japan.
The first few days I arrived are completely erased from my memory, due to exhaustion and disorientation. There was an overabundance of stimuli trying to work its way through my poor attention processors. The headlights of the brand new blinded me, and Japanese cities have a lot of lights! I kicked them out and allowed the stars in the sky of the Japanese countryside I reside in to shine through. Fully immersing myself, I consequently forgot how the mix swirls outside of this bubble. I forget how strange my life is now in that my coping mechanisms have become the norm. I adopted methods to deal with being so baffled all the time. The cleverest of all was accepting that I just don’t have a clue, and then forgetting I don’t have a clue – it’s just normal life now!
My therapy tactic is to articulate all I’m not so sharp to, that I’ve grown accustomed to, all in order to get my mental block to POP! Better than trying to pop my brain by sticking a finger up my nose I do suppose, or a chopstick in my ear.
Starting with one of the inevitable greatest barriers that I face on a daily basis and what happens when you move to a non-English speaking country (and you know only two words in their tongue!)
- I learnt, accepted and then forgot – that English can be really fucking stupid.
I’m in a complicated relationship right now with the English language. It’s difficult, okay? English, how I love you, but you are a dumb arse language. You make little sense! You’re inconsistent! You’re hard to read sometimes. Spelling is not faithful to pronunciation! Your grammar LIES! I DON’T LIKE LIARS! Why should you have so many exceptions, what makes you so special?! Your words and methods of sentence structure would leave anyone learning you as a second language ripping up the contents of a dictionary while chanting “Kill the language! Cut the crap! Spill the ink! Bash it in!” Lord of the Flies style. I’m sorry English. Don’t read this as a break up, I still love you, but you have to be aware of your effect on others…
As a native English speaker, not cursed with the task of learning it, I am a superfan! A clumsy yet keen member of the linguistic club. I immensely enjoy the acquisition of words, puns and syntax. It’s more than a mere vehicle of communication to me, it’s pure loquacious pleasure. Give me a dictionary definition of a new word and I’m in a sodding lexical dreamworld!! Picture rainbow coloured letters raining down on my naked torso, glittering and glowing as I roll around in ecstasy. All I wish to do is invite others to join the jollification, but receive reprimands for my Polonius-esque verbosity. (I like to think I’m a little more attractive than old Poly, and I do hope I don’t perish in the same way, mistaken for a rat…)
This is not the reason I decided to teach English. I am not blinded by my own love of the language to move overseas and spread its wonders. No no, I simply thought it an effective income in terms of allowing me to move to Japan and eat alllllll of the rice. I paid very little thought towards the teaching elements of my job, strange to think now as it takes up the majority of my week. It helped that I took to the job with no expectations, no presuppositions, for I embraced it for what it was in front of me.
I find it unusual for my native tongue to be dissected and analysed in such concentrated detail. The Japanese approach to learning English in state schools is quite frankly archaic and… BORING. HYSTERICALLY, HIDEOUSLY, HORRIFICALLY DULL. The focus is mainly on grammar, that gruesome gremlin. I have awful conscious knowledge of grammar, it’s all intuitive. Ask me to explain why things are certain ways and I won’t know.
I now comprehend the significance of being here. Japanese teachers of English struggle to teach the subject alone, it requires a native speaker present just to affirm that something sounds right. You can study the rules, then learn the exceptions to the rules, then write out a sentence and … no, sorry. It’s subject to scrutiny! There are so many methods of articulating the same thing, and so many manners of expression that just wouldn’t digest well with a native ear. “Is this correct?” “no…” “why?” “it…just isn’t.” “But grammatically…!!” “yeah, sorry, no… just NOOOO.” There are expressions that just feel correct, and if asked to explain I feel a perplexed state come over me. For I have never thought about that saying before, I have the privilege of regurgitating whatever it is I need to and need not worry about patching it all together to form a quilt of communication. Never will my quilt be too thin to do the job properly; never will I struggle with sewing the seams of sentences together. Do not misunderstand – I do not cane the hands of petrified kiddies who make mistakes. I feel it is my duty to reassure them in this stage of learning that mistakes are absolutely fine, for there will be an abundance of them. It’s not because they are faulty at learning. It’s because the English language is an unfaithful lover, and a wanker at the best of times, even if its words have the capacity to make us swoon, make us blush and delight. SUCH A TEASE!
Another question I’d never challenged before is WHY should people learn English? Why this language? The answer to the question is not the main focus here. It took leaving my understood environment and plonking me across the other side of the world to be able to see through new eyes and formulate the question itself. Every country I’ve visited before has always keenly spoken English on a large scale. Perhaps Western ignorance blinded me to assume the learning of English without wondering why. From this experience I can see the relevance of the language in terms of Global communication. Moreover, I see that it isn’t the sole way of communicating, and how I am a tiny blip in this world, as is all I am used to in my Western ways.
2) It’s rare I understand what is going on around me.
Do people usually know what’s going on?!?
I am so used to not having inklings of what’s occurring. Not being able to understand Japanese can be great for my concentration, as I can filter out most conversation that others are having. One time I heard some English at the station and couldn’t switch off listening to every word even though I didn’t know the woman. I’m now hopeful that the stranger had a delightful dinner party and all went to plan with minimal stress.
At my Junior High school there is a daily morning meeting with all teachers, all conversed in Japanese. I’m sitting in my own little bubble of joy inside my brain, daydreaming about the sexy curve of the strip of salmon sitting seductively on a bed of rice. It’s being hugged tightly by a strip of seaweed. A little pool of soya sauce is patiently waiting for me, teasing me to drench this treat in salty goodness. How it begs me to tug at it! To undress it, with a tear of the teeth. Mmm, sushi is such a saucy thing, such a seductive beast…
When suddenly!! All teachers break from the low toned babber of fast paced conversation into energetic applause, alarming the shit out of me. I instinctively jump and look around in a panic, to which time the applause is ceasing, and the exchange sweeping to the next point. I used to wonder what the hell was going on, with several – ?!!??!?!!?? – but now I rarely question to such an extent. I accept I have no idea, am unlikely to find out, and I easily slip back into my state of obliviousness and bliss.
Not knowing what is going on is awfully cumbersome from time to time. A few weeks ago I was practicing going cross eyed during the morning meeting, laughing to myself. Ten minutes later, I was made aware, two minutes before the beginning of the first lesson of the day, that the schedule had been reversed entirely. “Your last lesson of the day is now first, let’s go!”
“EH!?! I haven’t photocopied and cut up my worksheets yet?! When did this change?”
“They announced it in the meeting… oh yes. Sorry… take your time.” (In this circumstance I can understand they mean hurry the curry up, don’t be late.)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! I rush around in a panic, and turn up to the lesson 5 minutes late, wheezing and panting like a haggard old pooch. Hi kiddies… wheeze wheeze… Let’s learn how unfit I am. Wheezing ain’t pleasing. Smooth as hell.
Other times involve team teaching with a Japanese teacher; they instruct the students in Japanese and then turn to me. Do I take this as a sign to speak!? Do my part? I DON’T KNOW! Cue awkward jerky movements, like a reluctant robot. This robo-dance is performed in confusion, occasionally not being able to gage the atmosphere or read the indicators to what’s expected of me. Okay repeat after me! – Oh sorry, had the teacher not wanted me to talk yet? Sometimes the teacher will break off to tell off the students. Why are they being told off? No idea. So you just stop and wait, looking solemn and stern. But hopefully not too solemn because you don’t know what’s going on, maybe that dose of solemn is too solemn for the context. Pretend you’re Goldilocks looking for the solemn porridge that isn’t too hot, isn’t too cold, it’s juuuust right. After a few minutes you’re bored of being a solemn Sally and want to pull faces at the students, but not piss off the teacher. I like to make up the content of the scolding in my head and pretend it’s about me. “Jessica sensei came from ENGLAND just for this particular lesson and you dare not fill out question one on the worksheet!? YOU SCROUNDEL!”
And what are students saying to me at lunchtime? Are they teaching me how to say furry vagina? Are they asking me whether I am partial to a pot of green tea on a hot summer’s day?!?! I’m outnumbered, I’m the fool. I can’t shout to them HEY! KIDS! Don’t mock me, I’m really really cool… in England. Honestly! Trust me! Ask my mum!! I was so cool at school too, I used to laugh at teachers… and tiny tits of students now laugh at me and won’t understand most witty English comebacks. I could either use this opportunity to deflate my ego, not retaliate and just float away in my mind. Or! – I could point to you two friends laughing at me and say “Ooh… you two a couple? Happy couple! Cuddle couple!!” – To make them and spectators’ chuckle. I’ll allow you readers to decide which route I usually take on board in such scenarios.
3) Predictable behaviour.
It has been established that I barely understand what’s going on most of the time in terms of my work environment. This does extend to situations where there are public protests or general delays in transport. Just brush it aside, let it flutter away. What I have come to understand, appreciate and expect is certain behaviours. This partly comes from the Japanese etiquette that is based on maintaining “wa”, or harmony. It is a cultural concept in which unity and conformity in a social group is prioritised over personal interests. This is in order to ensure the continuation of a harmonious community. While I am an outsider as a gaijin, I will never get a full sense of how this works, or be able to integrate myself fully. Nevertheless, I am an observer, and as a teacher I am still part of a community.
Generally speaking – and comparatively to in the West, I am treated very similarly by the majority of Japanese people I come across. Japanese people are typically extremely polite, considerate, and helpful. You come to anticipate what will be said, assume that people will offer to help you, how they will help you and in which circumstances this will occur. You know that customer service will be impeccable wherever you go. I must stress that naturally there will be exceptions to this, but on a whole it is astonishing how foreseeable the conduct is in many situations and on a daily basis. This makes living in the country and not speaking the language as easy as could be, as you become attuned to the behaviour. This is very different to the individualist society I grew up in, where a flurry of emotion and personality is publicly prominent. I feel clueless to this now, and I think I’ll be terribly tripped up when I leave Japan. I fathom that I’ll suffer some reverse cultural shock when I go to a restaurant and have bad customer service. I’ll splutter in protest “OH MY! This would never happen in Japan! What say?!” I am sure such a spluttering will serve only to tempt the waiters to spit in my soup. Alas, then I shall yearn for Japan!!!
Part two coming soon for my cluenessness! BE EXCITED, READERS! MORE FUN TO COME!
Life of Pap 